A year older, graciously a year wiser, and a year later I write (haha)...
Tangibly, my blog simply reveals the fickelness of my heart yet to me it whispers grace. Grace for my wandering, grace for my arrogance, grace for the sinfulness I allow to consume me at times...sweet graces.
In a year, a lot has happened; as I suspect most would agree to be true in their own lives as well. Two weeks ago, on my 25th birthday, I took some time to reflect and I still am. First realizing that more than a 4th of my life has past, then reflecting and asking, in a years time-since 24, what's changed? A lot had happened but what has changed?
In a years time, Ive moved out, I've gotten a couple hair cuts, I lost air conditioning in my car, I've spent roughly 255 days with infants-10 year olds and gain countless stories, I've been mentored by 2 different women, I've found deeper intimacy with my community of brothers and sisters. yesterday, I actually got to be a part of the ground breaking at our churches property. I've walked through life with friends as they have walked out tough/good seasons. In a years time, I've gone from a great home to being called to walk out temporal homelessness...again. In a year, Ive gone through countless emotions and hours spent processing them. I've been angry and hurt, I've had to fight bitterness and selfishness, I've had to walk out disappointment and worse- disappointing others, I've walked out a season of loneliness as I've watched my friends leave to go where God has called them. I've lived in fear or anxiousness. It's not always been easy, but...
I've been fortunate to walk out seasons of pure joy and peace, learning to find satisfaction in my salvation and hope alone in my savior! I must confess I don't always find contentment in my salvation alone, and must confess I am prone to put my hope in circumstances or others, or fiscal things. Regardless of how poorly I walk it out, or how consistently I walk it out- In spite of ME- Christ has more for me and He loves me without limitation and He is in the ever going, never ceasing task of bringing the WORLD closer to himself and GLORY to the Father! HE is always at work despite the despair, hopelessness, or turmoil.
Do you hear the sweet chime of God's graces?
Can you feel the reverberations in your own heart? Can you look at your life and throughout your story and hear the perpetual ringing of God's grace?
I hear it. I've heard it in EVERY hard conversation I've had with Janet where I've had to come to the end of myself and face the facts that I as long as I choose myself and my desires I choose to hurt someone else. I've heard it in biblical womanhood, where Jenny taught me the necessity of observation and awareness. I hear it in my community group as we hash out truths and speak love over each other. I've heard it from every single person God has sent into my life to be the sandpaper He uses to refine me. I hear it in the books I read, the scripture He speaks over me. Prayerfully, I hear it in the best of times and the worst of times.
Needless to say, a lot has changed in a year, all for good- some of it not always feeling good. But Every bit of it has caused me to go deeper into maturity (spiritual and just pure growing up) and has been a catalyst to spiritual reformation! (by the way, "A call to spiritual reformation" by D.A. Carson is an amazing book and you should stop reading this and read it! but seriously..) God knows I'm prone to wander, He knows my heart is eager but unreliable, He knows me, and THANKFULLY He continues to bring about change in my heart consistently.
But one thing hasn't changed....God.
He is the same today as he was yesterday, and a year ago from oct. 29. He has always been and always will be. In the midst of our chaotic, evolving world He is the one constant. In a science experiment, he would be the controlled variable. He can't be added to, taken away from, substituted for another...there is no scenario where he does not exsist. But most importantly, His nature is good and compasionate and loving and Powerful and persistent and faithful and SO MUCH MORE!
I read a blog recently that called God a wizard. If God were a wizard, he would be limited by his magic, and his Magic would define what kind of wizard He would be. If his magic was Dark magic, the darkness would consume Him and He would have no ability to be anything other than a Dark Wizard. But God is Light so He can't be Dark. If his magic was true and pure, then He would be a Good Wizard. But even a good wizard has his limitations- his powers are not his owns, he only is the facilitator of magic. So God can't be that either. Neither a good/dark wizard can't create life or bring people back from the dead, or be omnipresent. I can't begin to understand the vastness of God's nature but I know He is incomparable, He is limitless, He is Good and He is God Alone. Because His nature is independant of anything we know or can understand, He is free to do as He pleases. And what pleases him...
CARING FOR PEOPLE,
CALLING HIS PEOPLE HIS MOST PRIZED POSSESSIONS,
BRING US INTO SONSHIP WITH HIS ONLY SON AND OUR SAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If that's not Tasty stuff, Chicken soup for the Soul if you will, then I don't know what else can be. The God of the universe, all powerful and transcendent of time and spaces, is personally invested in you and me! There is no more satisfaction this world can muster up, I guarantee it!
All that to say that a quarter of a century has past and with in it there were many changes, some temporal some not so, people lost, people born....but one thing remains the same..
El Olam (The Everlasting God)
MAN! That's good news and it's such a good reminder for my own feeble soul as well.