So the irony of where my heart is and what is being spoken to it, is that I look back at what ive been journaling, blogging, reading, and learning and Christ is teaching me the same things over and over in deeper ways, ways I thought I could never really understand...
mostly because I so often doubt if I am hearing the Lord or not...and I have a hard time trusting whats me and whats God.
I have decifered that partially my doubts stem from the fact that I talk WAY too much.
But then I have these moments...
these really intimate moments where I hear from him when Im not even listening. Like the other night I am in my new room, at this new apartment and I'm feeling so overwhelmed by all of the things that are hard, wrong, stained by sin, good, just, and sanctified and redeemed by Christ in my life and all I can feel is exhausted. but im in this new place and it feels so dry and the air feels heavy and everything around me is one big blur cuz its happening so fast and I cant quite process it all. But it doesnt matter cuz God is faithful....too faithful to let me sit in the midst of noise and not hear the sweet sound of his whisper.
he is telling me to stop trying to hear him and listen, to trust in the things he has told me and continues to tell me...
Psalms 119:11 "I have hidden your word in my heart that i might not sin against you"
Listen Brittany, shut up and listen.
So i do, and I hear him telling me he knows the internal battle I'm fighting and He tells me that his grace cleanses all sin, even in the middle of it. He tells me to stop it. Just stop...that I have been prideful and judgemental...then he reassures me that he is God, and he has still not lost control. Despite all these things being true, I wanted more......don't we all.