Stripping all dignity from british lives...

the title has little to nothing to do with this blog...

Its just a really great line from The Holiday, haha, and I've always wanted to use it...


This is a stripping blog.

Let me explain...

Christ is teaching me to let go. simple right? wrong.

He wants me to let go of the phrase "I just don't know what it looks like yet" which I say entirely WAY to often. I am in a phase of wandering, which isn't abnormal, seeing as how this isnt technically our home and pilgrims/nomads wander until there is a development of some sort of navigation- than the wandering stops. Right now, I am a weary pilgrim (in the words of Dolly Parton) trying to navigate my way, and I need a Pocahontas. YET in weakness there is strength, and right now that strength is coming from Jesus holding me while he strips away layer after layer...

one way this is being done is conversations, friends blogs, my community group, being homeless, blah blah blah...and sharing the things I write, which is super super stripping cuz I don't share my "poetry" (i hate calling it poetry, it makes me feel like i should be in a coffee shop somewhere sitting in a dark corner alone, so i refer to it as writings from now on)

Anyways, my writings are deeply rooted with the desires my heart longs for, the sinfulness and shame I carry, and the emotions I feel at the time, but Jesus wants to strip me bare, down to raw skin, and part of that is letting people into the dark places...after all dark can't find light, light has to be shed on this is me sheding light on my darkness...

I'm only sharing 2 but they are most recent and most descriptive of where my heart is...

here goes nothing.

An If In Return...(A response to if by Kipling)
IF I can tame my thoughts and focus them rightly,
when the world around lives in anguish and grief;
IF I can trust my heart and let it shine brightly,
While giving grace to those in disbelief:
IF I can live not captive to wanting,
hear- but not spread lies;
Eventhough the darkness of this World can be haunting,
I hold on to HOPE that never dies.

"IF I can dream and not make dreams my master,
think- but not make thoughts my aim;
IF I can meet both triumph and disaster,
 and treat these 2 imposters just the same:"
IF I am not down-heartened by misfortune,
IF I can maintain the truths I know;
Not forgetting my enemy is out to tempt me with false fortune,
and always remembering, Humans are not my true foe.

IF I can work honestly, without being decieved by success,
finding purpose in all my days;
Being sure to treat other fairly and with respect,
and never forgetting to give of myself along the way:
IF I can make decisions, never hasty,
treating all people say as a grain of salt;
Knowing too much talk is never tasty,
And in my dealings with people, the find no fault.

IF my speech is never unforgiving,
and my step always in line;
IF I can thrive in both loss and winning,
All the while, never straying from the VINE:
IF I meet both allies and enemies alike with kindness,
IF I can face the unknown with no fear;
Not forsaking faith for evil's blindness,
Nor meeting Love with a deaf ear.

IF I can embrace wisdom with humilty,
and foolishness with pardon;
Never taking for granted all God has given me,
and face death without my heart being hardened;
"IF I can fill the unforgiving minute,
with sixty seconds worth of distance run;"
IF I find virtue in LIFE, Christ has given,
Then I have learned all I can from the SON!

Brief intermission...

not at all the summary of my life....but the desires of my heart.
this next one is a little more accurate in that deparetment..
Back to the show...not.


Oh How My Heart is Cruel

Oh how my heart is cruel.
Oh how it tends to wander.
Oh how it feeds on trash for fuel,
and OH how often it causes blunder.

Oh how my heart is cruel.
How easily it is lead astray.
Its cavity, a dark pool.
How it loves to resist the Way.

Oh how my heart is cruel.
my fear is it will always be.
I pray it's relased from this fool,
and called to rise and follow love's feet.

Oh how Love's heart is not cruel,
OH, what joy has been found!
In love I've been called a jewel,
and for Love, I lay down my crowns.

OH, Even when time will end,
this lesson never lost...
All that is broken--love will mend,
And when all hearts were cruel- Love paid the Cost!



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